Overcoming Comparison Mindset

At a young age, our society teaches us to find our value in how we compare to others. It tells us to value the outcome versus the process, and to not settle until we have more than those around us.

It is ingrained in us, and therefore it is VERY hard to extract. When you see or hear of someone’s life event or new accomplishment, your first feeling may be envy. You may ask yourself, “Why don’t I have that?,” “How did they accomplish that and I haven’t?” or “How can I get that, too?”

And then, that oh-so-familiar wave of shame may surface, resulting in you asking yourself, “Why can’t I just be happy for people?!” or “Why can’t I be content with my life and what I have?!”

Feelings of envy can surface almost instantaneously because being the best and achieving “more” than those around us is how society ranks our value. In many ways it’s automatic.

So, I offer you a challenge today.

Instead of shaming yourself for feeling envy, acknowledge that you’re feeling it and ask yourself why you’re feeling that way. For each person, the reason may be different. It may be our society, the messages we were taught by our family, or that teacher we had in 1st grade. Who or what is it?

Then, allow yourself to consider that you’re thinking/feeling this way because that’s how you were taught to evaluate your value. But even though you were told that, you have the choice, in this moment, to decide if that’s true, to decide if that aligns with the values you hold true today.

And then, through kindness with yourself, you’ll be able to move from envy to happiness for that person and their good news. You’ll be able to more easily acknowledge that their success does not, in any way, diminish your own success. And your lives are completely different adventures, both filled with their ups and downs and accomplishments to celebrate.

So today, I challenge you to treat yourself with a little kindness as you take a scroll on social media.

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