Dealing with Regret

Regret is a painful emotion, one that swirls around in a soup full of shame. Regret makes us look at the past in a heartbreaking way, craving those lost experiences for the chance to do it all over again.

Regret makes us wish we knew how truly precious those past moments were--that if we had just realized it then, maybe we would have been more present in the moment.

If only we had known what we know now.

This interplay of regret and knowing makes me think of how we each come to our knowing. How do we truly know that something is worth cherishing?

Some folks come to their knowing through research. They know what path they should walk based on what they read, who they speak to, or what google says.

But there are also those who get nothing out of this research, and in fact, too much research can lead down a path to analysis paralysis. It’s because these folks get their knowing, their understanding, through experience.

If you're a part of this latter group, you may feel regret more frequently than others. You may wish that you could go back in time and cherish these seemingly "lost" moments. But you didn't know what you now know. You had to live it to know it.

For these folks, who gain their knowing through experience, they build their compass and their knowing through moments. Through the experience and through the loss, their knowing grows.

Through the regret, they gain the information they need to make decisions that more closely align with their values and how they want to live the rest of their lives. But they need experiences and these moments of loss and grief because direction cannot be found in the pages of a book. Knowing cannot be found through the advice of others. It is experience that transforms their knowing.

How do you get your knowing? How do you build your compass? Trust yourself and know there is no wrong way of coming to your knowing.

I hope that helps you put the shame soup aside for a bit.

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